I'm really sorry you're going through this. I know it hurts a lot right now. Breakups are never easy, especially your first one: Ella was the One – for sure – the One to spend the rest of your life with. It was all heaven and now it’s all hell. I know you won’t believe me, when I say I went through a similar rollercoaster, when my heart was broken for the first time. I remember feeling like my world was falling apart. It was really tough, and I didn't think I could ever love again. There was just this deep, aching void that I couldn't fill.
Just remember that it's okay to feel devastated and it's okay to take your time to heal. I spent a lot of time thinking about where I did wrong; questioning myself. It was hard to focus on anything else, and I felt a mix of sadness, anger, and confusion. I cried through the nights but ultimately talked to my friends and family.
If you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen. Sometimes it helps to share how you're feeling. But if you need some space, that's completely fine as well. Try to take care of yourself. Do things that make you happy, spend time with friends, and maybe this is the very moment to attend the diving course you talked about recently. I don’t wanna talk you into but with time, I started to feel better. I threw myself into activities I enjoyed, like reading, go climbing, and spending time with Paul. Slowly but surely, I began to heal. I realized that while it was painful, the love and the breakup with Lisa taught me a lot about myself and what I wanted in a relationship.
You are a wonderful person with so much to offer, and there are many more experiences and people ahead of you. One day, you will meet someone who appreciates you for who you are, and this pain you're feeling right now will make that love even more meaningful. Oh baby, I really feel for you but listen to Dua Lipa and her „Be the One“ in heavy rotation will not revers time. But I understand the comfort listen to music gives you. May I suggest a playlist to you? You know how much I love writing lists:

Foreigner - "I Want to Know What Love Is"
Bonnie Tyler - "Total Eclipse of the Heart"
Cyndi Lauper - "Time After Time"
Sinead O'Connor - "Nothing Compares 2 U"

These songs might help you feel understood and less alone in your feelings. I know they are all from the 80s, 90s and cannot live up to Adele  and her "Someone Like You" or Lewis Capaldi but I recommend you at least the last on the list - and I recommend you watching her video on YouTube rather then spotify it. You’ll get it why. But again: Listen to what resonates with you and take things one day at a time.
Remember, this pain won't last forever. You've got willpower and you will get through this. Looking back, I see that it was a necessary part of growing up. It helped shape who I am today and made me stronger. It wasn't easy, but I got through it, and you will too.

I love you and I'm here for you, no matter what.

Mom