I’ve been sitting here with my coffee for a while now, trying to figure out how to say this without sounding like I’m "smothering" you or being over-the-top. And I’ve been scrolling through 20min.ch, Blick.ch and NZZ.ch for what feels like the hundredth time today. I’m sure you’ve seen the headlines too - the images from that Swiss bar fire in Crans-Montana that killed 40 people and injured 116 are everywhere.

I’ll be honest with you: I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, and even a little irritated with myself. You said you were annoyed by the constant flow of notification tones on my mobile, while I find myself almost unhealthily fascinated by the news coverage. I feel for those parents, their grief, their anger, their hopelessness and I'm ashamed to say that sometimes a worried thought crosses my mind: Thank God it's them and not you. It’s a strange, dark feeling - watching the same clips over and over, reading every update. I think it’s because every victim I see in the photos looks like you. They have the same style, the same energy, the same look of being at the start of their lives. It’s because it was their world - your world - that I can’t seem to look away.
Seeing those images of a place that was supposed to be full of music and laughter turned into... that... has left me completely shaken. Ever since it happened, my mind has been in a constant loop. When I see you heading out on a Friday night, I feel a level of terror that’s hard to put into words. It’s that realization that I can’t always be there to protect you.

I want you to know that I truly understand where you are in your life. I know you’re seventeen. I know you need to get away from me, to be with your friends, and to live your own life. I see you growing up and becoming so independent, and I am so proud of you. I know that "detaching" from me is exactly what you’re supposed to do … and yes, even treating me like shit you recently did. I don't want to be the "annoying" mum who smothers you or holds you back from your youth.

But please try to understand my side, too. My worry isn't about a lack of trust in you. I trust your judgment completely. It’s just that I love you so much it’s actually frightening. Seeing how quickly things went wrong for those kids at "Le Constellation" makes me want to hold onto you a little tighter, even though I know I have to let you go.

I’m not going to ask you to stay home. You deserve to have your weekends and your freedom. All I ask is that you stay aware of your surroundings. Watch for the exits, look out for your mates, and if a place feels too crowded or "off", just leave. Please - I beg you, please, don't be the kid in the video jumping up and down while filming the first sparks on the ceiling.

And remember, no matter what time it is or what’s happening, I am always just a phone call away. I will always come get you, no questions asked.

I love you to the moon and back.

Love,

Mum